Just a little post to put up a video I created in celebration of my daughter Juliette's first birthday. She was born one year ago today...in the wee hours of the morning. What a beautiful, beautiful day. I am full of love and gratitude for this sweet and wonderful little girl. Motherhood is the greatest gift on earth, don't you think?
PS - there's a little nipplage in there - I am a proud breastfeeding mama, you know :) So don't let it shock ya!
October 7, 2011
September 30, 2011
Candles for an Intentional Birth
So this post is my attempt to contribute something that is "Pinterest"-able :) Have you been on that site? There are so many beautiful things and visual ideas there. As a person who is more about expressing ideas with words versus as things, I have to say I feel a bit like a Pinterest-lurker. I can, however, make one contribution - one beautiful visual kinda-crafty idea:
Birth intention candles.
Here they are:
I made these to hand out to my dearest friends at my baby shower last year. They're kind of a takeaway from a Blessingway - where mamas join together to celebrate and bless the birth journey of a new (or repeat) mama. I inscribed each candle with a word that described the birth that I intended for myself and my baby. The one pictured in the photo says "Painless." Others said "Easy" "Peace" "Love" and "God."
I asked each friend to light their candle while I was in labor, and while it was lit, to hold in their heart and soul the intent I had for my birth: beautiful, easy, painless, fast, and complication-free.
I truly believe in the power of visualization and intention-setting in birth, and that that power is multiplied when others gather with the same vision. Indeed, my birth with Juliette was exactly what I envisioned. I am grateful to my dear ones for joining with me to make that happen :)
If you'd like to make these candles for your blessingway or shower, it is super easy. I got the candles from the 99 cents store! I purchased etching creme and stencils from Michaels and stenciled in the words per the directions (pretty darned easy). And tied on a pretty gold ribbon. Voila, done!
So there it is - my one crafty idea. Share it, will you? :)
Birth intention candles.
Here they are:
I made these to hand out to my dearest friends at my baby shower last year. They're kind of a takeaway from a Blessingway - where mamas join together to celebrate and bless the birth journey of a new (or repeat) mama. I inscribed each candle with a word that described the birth that I intended for myself and my baby. The one pictured in the photo says "Painless." Others said "Easy" "Peace" "Love" and "God."
I asked each friend to light their candle while I was in labor, and while it was lit, to hold in their heart and soul the intent I had for my birth: beautiful, easy, painless, fast, and complication-free.
I truly believe in the power of visualization and intention-setting in birth, and that that power is multiplied when others gather with the same vision. Indeed, my birth with Juliette was exactly what I envisioned. I am grateful to my dear ones for joining with me to make that happen :)
If you'd like to make these candles for your blessingway or shower, it is super easy. I got the candles from the 99 cents store! I purchased etching creme and stencils from Michaels and stenciled in the words per the directions (pretty darned easy). And tied on a pretty gold ribbon. Voila, done!
So there it is - my one crafty idea. Share it, will you? :)
September 20, 2011
Nightweaning and Sleeping Through the Night
On the heels of my last post about how AP ain't for woosies - and "oh my back is so sore from my nightwaking toddler" - I am thrilled to report that my child and I are now sleeping through the night. Ahhhhh. That's the sound of a mama getting sleep. It feels so good!!!
How did I get from where I was a week ago to where I am today? Nightweaning. I thought it might be helpful to share my process:
I was somewhat apprehensive about nightweaning Juliette because she was 11.5 months old.. pretty young in my own estimation to be nightweaning. I wanted to make sure that I would still be responsive to her needs for food, love, and comfort from hurt, and I was worried that perhaps she could not communicate these things. On the flip side, she was nursing every hour and I could not sleep through it; my body was so sore I could barely move, and I truly needed sleep after more than a year (including pregnancy) of sleepless nights.
So - there was much to weigh. Her needs, my needs. Where to come down?
After receiving some reassurance from some of my AP friends, I came to realize that I could nightwean and still meet her needs. By continuing our co-sleeping arrangement, with her right there next to me, I could still give her all the love and cuddles she needed at night; I could offer her food and water were she hungry or thirsty. And - being right there with her I could intuitively know if something were truly wrong - I could hear her "I'm sick" cry (versus her "I'm tired" cry) or see if she was putting her hand in her mouth in pain or what have you.
So - after coming to a place in my heart that I felt comfortable with - I decided to give it a shot. Generally speaking, I followed my own "Nursies" nightweaning plan. I taught her for at least a month prior about what "sleepy time" is - I pantomimed it, I closed her eyes and laid her down and said "sleepy time" - anything I could think of so she could understand it was time for rest. I also read her the book a few times - using our own word for nursies which is "milkies." And then, on September 12, I began.
That night, she woke up for milk as usual and I told her "no milkies baby, sleepy time" and I laid her back down on the bed. And she tossed and she turned and she complained - not cried - and tossed and turned some more. And then - after about 5 minutes, went back to sleep. This repeated about 4 or 5 times that night. At about 2:30 or so, when I was worried she might be hungry, I offered her water and some bread. She took a sip or two of water and a bite of bread, and went back to sleep. She often fell asleep with her head nuzzled under my chin. Sweetness :)
Within three nights, she began sleeping from bedtime (8ish) to 2:45, then waking up again at 5:30 to nurse. I nursed her at 5:30. Last night, day 7, she slept from 8ish all the way through to 5:30 in the morning.
As compared to the nightweaning process with her big sister Elea - who I nightweaned at 22 months - this has been incredibly easy, for both of us. While Elea's nightweaning was done in the same gentle manner, she still had much stronger opinions about the matter. Some ( a few minutes) crying was involved - crying in arms, but still crying. And the time it took from beginning of nightweaning to sleeping through the night was longer - a few weeks I believe. My hunch is it is likely easier to nightwean a one'ish year old than a child that is closer to two because two year olds have very strong opinions about everything. It could, of course, also be temperament (although Elea is far more mellow than little Juliette, so perhaps not).
Anyway, just a little story from my house to yours - some inspiration if you are contemplating nightweaning. Dreams of sleep to you all :)
*** A couple of caveats ****
1 ) In no way do I recommend nightweaning young babies - heck, as I've mentioned, even 11.5 months is pretty young. Babies need nighttime calories from your breastmilk to grow and thrive and you as a nursing mama need to nurse at night (should your child want to) to maintain a good milk supply. Use your intuition when nightweaning - can your child's needs for love/comfort/nutrition still be met without nursing at night? IMO, the older the child, the more that answer is probably yes.
2 ) In an ideal world where I was superwoman, I would not need to nightwean my babes. I would have liked to be able to meet their nighttime needs/wants until they didn't have the need anymore. Problem is - they all slept like crap, and I'm not superwoman :(
How did I get from where I was a week ago to where I am today? Nightweaning. I thought it might be helpful to share my process:
I was somewhat apprehensive about nightweaning Juliette because she was 11.5 months old.. pretty young in my own estimation to be nightweaning. I wanted to make sure that I would still be responsive to her needs for food, love, and comfort from hurt, and I was worried that perhaps she could not communicate these things. On the flip side, she was nursing every hour and I could not sleep through it; my body was so sore I could barely move, and I truly needed sleep after more than a year (including pregnancy) of sleepless nights.
So - there was much to weigh. Her needs, my needs. Where to come down?
After receiving some reassurance from some of my AP friends, I came to realize that I could nightwean and still meet her needs. By continuing our co-sleeping arrangement, with her right there next to me, I could still give her all the love and cuddles she needed at night; I could offer her food and water were she hungry or thirsty. And - being right there with her I could intuitively know if something were truly wrong - I could hear her "I'm sick" cry (versus her "I'm tired" cry) or see if she was putting her hand in her mouth in pain or what have you.
So - after coming to a place in my heart that I felt comfortable with - I decided to give it a shot. Generally speaking, I followed my own "Nursies" nightweaning plan. I taught her for at least a month prior about what "sleepy time" is - I pantomimed it, I closed her eyes and laid her down and said "sleepy time" - anything I could think of so she could understand it was time for rest. I also read her the book a few times - using our own word for nursies which is "milkies." And then, on September 12, I began.
That night, she woke up for milk as usual and I told her "no milkies baby, sleepy time" and I laid her back down on the bed. And she tossed and she turned and she complained - not cried - and tossed and turned some more. And then - after about 5 minutes, went back to sleep. This repeated about 4 or 5 times that night. At about 2:30 or so, when I was worried she might be hungry, I offered her water and some bread. She took a sip or two of water and a bite of bread, and went back to sleep. She often fell asleep with her head nuzzled under my chin. Sweetness :)
Within three nights, she began sleeping from bedtime (8ish) to 2:45, then waking up again at 5:30 to nurse. I nursed her at 5:30. Last night, day 7, she slept from 8ish all the way through to 5:30 in the morning.
As compared to the nightweaning process with her big sister Elea - who I nightweaned at 22 months - this has been incredibly easy, for both of us. While Elea's nightweaning was done in the same gentle manner, she still had much stronger opinions about the matter. Some ( a few minutes) crying was involved - crying in arms, but still crying. And the time it took from beginning of nightweaning to sleeping through the night was longer - a few weeks I believe. My hunch is it is likely easier to nightwean a one'ish year old than a child that is closer to two because two year olds have very strong opinions about everything. It could, of course, also be temperament (although Elea is far more mellow than little Juliette, so perhaps not).
Anyway, just a little story from my house to yours - some inspiration if you are contemplating nightweaning. Dreams of sleep to you all :)
*** A couple of caveats ****
1 ) In no way do I recommend nightweaning young babies - heck, as I've mentioned, even 11.5 months is pretty young. Babies need nighttime calories from your breastmilk to grow and thrive and you as a nursing mama need to nurse at night (should your child want to) to maintain a good milk supply. Use your intuition when nightweaning - can your child's needs for love/comfort/nutrition still be met without nursing at night? IMO, the older the child, the more that answer is probably yes.
2 ) In an ideal world where I was superwoman, I would not need to nightwean my babes. I would have liked to be able to meet their nighttime needs/wants until they didn't have the need anymore. Problem is - they all slept like crap, and I'm not superwoman :(
September 3, 2011
Attachment Parenting Ain't For Woosies
Okay, I love the title of this blog post. I don't speak that way in normal conversation, I promise! - but it's such a perfect way of saying exactly what I mean: Attaching Parenting Is Hard Freaking Work.
This is going to come across as complaining - and if it does - so be it. I'm allowed a little complaining :) I don't do it much - and I think I've earned it. So here it is:
My body is so so sore because my co-sleeping 11 month old love bug wakes up numerous times at night to nurse and get some mama love - my back hurts from spending much of the night twisting my top breast down to reach her mouth. My back also hurts from carrying this 25 pound chunk a lunk up and down the stairs a gazillion times a day. And from wearing her in the Ergo when she's fussy when my back is already jacked up.
I am sleep deprived. Chronically sleep deprived. I have three girls and each and every one of them - current baby included - have been crap tastic sleepers. It's true - co-sleeping helps so so much (good God I can't imagine actually having to get out of bed and plodding to the next room to nurse!) - but still - REM sleep of any sort is a long and distant memory.
And speaking of memory - I have none. Okay - well, I have a little memory. But I spend much of the time calling my girls by the wrong name and asking them to put their "shoe" in the dishwasher when what I meant was - of course - their plate. Said memory loss comes from the sleep deprivation (at least, I hope so!)
And personal time - just for me - there is too too little. I spend an hour at bedtime parenting the girls to sleep - which means - for the baby - nursing her to sleep (that's easy and delicious!).. but then, going into the girls' room and doing the bedtime routine and then laying with them until they fall asleep. And I homeschool - and so much of my time (that would be free were they in school) during the day is filled with teaching and taking them to and from lessons and play dates and park days.
And when they have days where I find their behavior challenging - hitting and bickering and refusing to clean up - I spend a heck of a lot of time with them trying to reason and find mutually beneficial solutions to their conflicts.
Mainstream parenting would be SO. MUCH. EASIER. I often think that, really I do. It would be easier to close the door at bed time and tell them to go to sleep vs laying there with them. It would be easier to sleep train them as babies so they'd sleep through the night. It would be easier on those behavior days to exact discipline by time outs or spanking. And good god it seems like it would be way easier to send them to school (not sure it really would, but I like to imagine that at least :).
Even so though - I could never do that. Because always - at the back of my mind - is the reason I am parenting this way: Because they are beautiful divine beings that deserve to have their needs met. It's my job. Because meeting their needs now means that when they're grown, they will be so filled up with love that they won't have an empty spot in their soul that needs filling up with sex/food/drugs/liquor, etc. Because if I were a child - I would want someone to give me that sort of love.
And let's face it - while it may suck sometimes in the present moment - this time with our wee ones is short. The discomfort, sleeplessness - it will pass in a few years.. and before we know it - our children will be on their own and we will have all the alone time we could ever want. Except then - we probably won't want it. We will want these blessed years back.
This is going to come across as complaining - and if it does - so be it. I'm allowed a little complaining :) I don't do it much - and I think I've earned it. So here it is:
My body is so so sore because my co-sleeping 11 month old love bug wakes up numerous times at night to nurse and get some mama love - my back hurts from spending much of the night twisting my top breast down to reach her mouth. My back also hurts from carrying this 25 pound chunk a lunk up and down the stairs a gazillion times a day. And from wearing her in the Ergo when she's fussy when my back is already jacked up.
I am sleep deprived. Chronically sleep deprived. I have three girls and each and every one of them - current baby included - have been crap tastic sleepers. It's true - co-sleeping helps so so much (good God I can't imagine actually having to get out of bed and plodding to the next room to nurse!) - but still - REM sleep of any sort is a long and distant memory.
And speaking of memory - I have none. Okay - well, I have a little memory. But I spend much of the time calling my girls by the wrong name and asking them to put their "shoe" in the dishwasher when what I meant was - of course - their plate. Said memory loss comes from the sleep deprivation (at least, I hope so!)
And personal time - just for me - there is too too little. I spend an hour at bedtime parenting the girls to sleep - which means - for the baby - nursing her to sleep (that's easy and delicious!).. but then, going into the girls' room and doing the bedtime routine and then laying with them until they fall asleep. And I homeschool - and so much of my time (that would be free were they in school) during the day is filled with teaching and taking them to and from lessons and play dates and park days.
And when they have days where I find their behavior challenging - hitting and bickering and refusing to clean up - I spend a heck of a lot of time with them trying to reason and find mutually beneficial solutions to their conflicts.
Mainstream parenting would be SO. MUCH. EASIER. I often think that, really I do. It would be easier to close the door at bed time and tell them to go to sleep vs laying there with them. It would be easier to sleep train them as babies so they'd sleep through the night. It would be easier on those behavior days to exact discipline by time outs or spanking. And good god it seems like it would be way easier to send them to school (not sure it really would, but I like to imagine that at least :).
Even so though - I could never do that. Because always - at the back of my mind - is the reason I am parenting this way: Because they are beautiful divine beings that deserve to have their needs met. It's my job. Because meeting their needs now means that when they're grown, they will be so filled up with love that they won't have an empty spot in their soul that needs filling up with sex/food/drugs/liquor, etc. Because if I were a child - I would want someone to give me that sort of love.
And let's face it - while it may suck sometimes in the present moment - this time with our wee ones is short. The discomfort, sleeplessness - it will pass in a few years.. and before we know it - our children will be on their own and we will have all the alone time we could ever want. Except then - we probably won't want it. We will want these blessed years back.
August 29, 2011
How To Night Wean - Nursies When the Sun Shines Nightweaning Guide
There's no question about it, nursing a toddler is wonderful. It creates a beautiful bond between a mother and child, and it helps ease oh-so-many of those little person woes. For mothers whose toddlers wake up frequently at night to nurse, it can also be exhausting. At some point in the toddler nursing relationship, a mother may wish to night wean her child. It is for this mother that this book was written. This book will help a mother teach her child - through beautiful words and illustrations - that s/he should nurse during the day, and sleep at night.
Toddlers who wake at night to nurse are typically incredibly attached to nursing; moreover, to the comfort and love that they get from mother while nursing at the breast. Weaning before a child is ready can cause a great deal of fear, sadness and anxiety in a little person. Thus, night weaning - like any weaning from breastfeeding - needs to be done very gently, and gradually, and with the utmost compassion and love.
Here are some tips to help you gently night wean your little one:
Considerations prior to night weaning:
1. Make sure YOU are really ready to night wean. Night weaning a toddler can be emotionally and physically challenging for you. You will need to be able to compassionately handle your child's emotions when he wakes at night to nurse and you tell him he needs to wait until morning. Unless you are ready inside to go through with the night weaning, it will be very difficult; you'll find it easier to nurse than deal with your child's emotions, and your child will sense that you're not serious about the night weaning.
2. Make sure your child is ready to night wean. Babies should not be night weaned. Babies need the nutrition from your milk, and are too young to understand limitations being placed on their ability to nurse. Especially in the early days, you need to nurse on demand to keep up your milk supply. Toddlers, especially older toddlers, have at least some language skills, and thus can better understand what a mother is communicating. Using the technique below, give night weaning a try on your toddler. If s/he reacts with outrage (hitting, screaming, etc.) s/he is clearly not ready to be night weaned. Make another attempt to night wean in a couple of months.
A few weeks prior to night weaning:
3. Have lots of conversations with your toddler about the night weaning concept. Tell him or her how you are feeling, e.g. that you are so tired and that you would like him or her to stop nursing during the night so you can have lots of energy during the day to play. Talk to your child about night/dark and day/light. Read him or her Nursies When the Sun Shines; feel free to replace the word "nursies" in the book for whatever you call nursing in your family. Talk to him about the concepts in the book: nursing is for day time when the sun comes up. When the sun goes down and it's dark, then it is time to sleep. When you talk, use pantomime. At night before bed, point out the window and say "it's dark.. it's night time - it's time for sleep!" Pantomime sleep (close your eyes and lay down). When s/he wakes up in the morning, point out the window and say "it's daytime! see the sun? It's time for nursies!" During this time, you would continue to nurse on demand at night.
When you're ready to night wean:
4. Have the conversation about night weaning as usual, but this time make clear that tonight's the night. Let him or her know that when s/he wakes up at night tonight, the nursies will be sleeping, and that they'll wake up in the morning. Make sure to wear a top that is not nursing friendly and easy for a child to lift up. Have a sippy cup of water near by.
When your toddler wakes to nurse, point out the window and tell him or her that it's dark out, that nursies are sleeping, that s/he needs to go back to sleep. Tell him or her that you will hold her and give her lots of kisses instead, and then give her those hugs and kisses and cuddles. Tell her you love her lots. Tell her she can have water if she's thirsty and offer her the sippy cup. If your child is developmentally ready to night wean, she will probably fuss or even cry in your arms for a few minutes, and then calm down and soon go back to sleep. Do the same thing each time she wakes. When she wakes up and it's daylight, make the first morning nursing a big occasion. Show her how excited you are that it's day time and it's now time for nursing.
The Nights Following:
Continue having the before bed conversation as above, and when she wakes at night, continue to give her love and cuddles in lieu of nursing. Your child may continue to wake and fuss a bit for a week or two after you night weaned. Eventually, however, night waking to nurse should be greatly reduced or even eliminated.
You may want to make an exception and allow night nursing when your toddler is ill. They need extra love and comfort, as well as the antibodies in your milk when they're not feeling well. If you do this, though, do make sure to let them know that you're only nursing at night because she's ill.
Toddlers who wake at night to nurse are typically incredibly attached to nursing; moreover, to the comfort and love that they get from mother while nursing at the breast. Weaning before a child is ready can cause a great deal of fear, sadness and anxiety in a little person. Thus, night weaning - like any weaning from breastfeeding - needs to be done very gently, and gradually, and with the utmost compassion and love.
Here are some tips to help you gently night wean your little one:
Considerations prior to night weaning:
1. Make sure YOU are really ready to night wean. Night weaning a toddler can be emotionally and physically challenging for you. You will need to be able to compassionately handle your child's emotions when he wakes at night to nurse and you tell him he needs to wait until morning. Unless you are ready inside to go through with the night weaning, it will be very difficult; you'll find it easier to nurse than deal with your child's emotions, and your child will sense that you're not serious about the night weaning.
2. Make sure your child is ready to night wean. Babies should not be night weaned. Babies need the nutrition from your milk, and are too young to understand limitations being placed on their ability to nurse. Especially in the early days, you need to nurse on demand to keep up your milk supply. Toddlers, especially older toddlers, have at least some language skills, and thus can better understand what a mother is communicating. Using the technique below, give night weaning a try on your toddler. If s/he reacts with outrage (hitting, screaming, etc.) s/he is clearly not ready to be night weaned. Make another attempt to night wean in a couple of months.
A few weeks prior to night weaning:
3. Have lots of conversations with your toddler about the night weaning concept. Tell him or her how you are feeling, e.g. that you are so tired and that you would like him or her to stop nursing during the night so you can have lots of energy during the day to play. Talk to your child about night/dark and day/light. Read him or her Nursies When the Sun Shines; feel free to replace the word "nursies" in the book for whatever you call nursing in your family. Talk to him about the concepts in the book: nursing is for day time when the sun comes up. When the sun goes down and it's dark, then it is time to sleep. When you talk, use pantomime. At night before bed, point out the window and say "it's dark.. it's night time - it's time for sleep!" Pantomime sleep (close your eyes and lay down). When s/he wakes up in the morning, point out the window and say "it's daytime! see the sun? It's time for nursies!" During this time, you would continue to nurse on demand at night.
When you're ready to night wean:
4. Have the conversation about night weaning as usual, but this time make clear that tonight's the night. Let him or her know that when s/he wakes up at night tonight, the nursies will be sleeping, and that they'll wake up in the morning. Make sure to wear a top that is not nursing friendly and easy for a child to lift up. Have a sippy cup of water near by.
When your toddler wakes to nurse, point out the window and tell him or her that it's dark out, that nursies are sleeping, that s/he needs to go back to sleep. Tell him or her that you will hold her and give her lots of kisses instead, and then give her those hugs and kisses and cuddles. Tell her you love her lots. Tell her she can have water if she's thirsty and offer her the sippy cup. If your child is developmentally ready to night wean, she will probably fuss or even cry in your arms for a few minutes, and then calm down and soon go back to sleep. Do the same thing each time she wakes. When she wakes up and it's daylight, make the first morning nursing a big occasion. Show her how excited you are that it's day time and it's now time for nursing.
The Nights Following:
Continue having the before bed conversation as above, and when she wakes at night, continue to give her love and cuddles in lieu of nursing. Your child may continue to wake and fuss a bit for a week or two after you night weaned. Eventually, however, night waking to nurse should be greatly reduced or even eliminated.
You may want to make an exception and allow night nursing when your toddler is ill. They need extra love and comfort, as well as the antibodies in your milk when they're not feeling well. If you do this, though, do make sure to let them know that you're only nursing at night because she's ill.
August 7, 2011
Knowing When You Are Done Having Babies
 | |
| My third and final baby, Juliette |
My third baby is now ten months old. Hard to believe, as it seems like yesterday I was blogging about my beautiful home birth! As the months have gone by, and she's grown and flourished in our love and with my milk, I have spent a lot of time thinking about whether I am "done" having children. I grew up hearing my mom tell me that after she had my brother (I only have the one sibling) - she just knew she was done. In fact, she knew so clearly that she got her tubes tied and never looked back.
I think I've been hoping for that feeling. That feeling would make things a whole lot easier. Me though, I don't know. I mean, I have had three blissful pregnancies where I felt like the most loved and beautiful woman on earth. I have had three beautiful home birth experiences that I can remember with love, gratitude and fondness for the rest of my life. And my babies, oh, I so freaking love loving on and nursing my babies. On a daily basis - as this little baby gets bigger - I am reflecting inside - am I really done with all that juicy loveliness??
I guess the answer I've arrived at is a wistful and melancholy "I guess so." I realize that pregnancy and babies are very short lived - and after that - the real and very hard work of parenting begins. I realize that three children is a whole lot of work and that parenting four would kick my ass. Moreover, I realize I could not meet the needs of four children at the level they deserve to have their needs met. I realize I'll be 40 years old next year and that (as my father told me last year), I'm not a spring chicken. (Not that that, by the way, reflects on my ability to actually bear children because I think calling age a risk factor in pregnancy is BS). Moreso, it's the realization that I'd be quite old when the baby would become an adult and they may not have much time with me in their lives. And if I'm really honest with myself - our family - with three children - feels complete.
I think I was thinking there would be more glee in coming to this realization - kind of like graduation or something. But there's not. There's quite a bit of sadness in fact. So - I'm making it okay to feel grief about the ending of this phase of my life. I'm going to cry about it, because in my book, endings suck.
But I'm also going to focus on gratitude - for the amazing decade of baby making, birthing, beginnings.. for my amazing and powerful birthing and breastfeeding body.. and for the three amazing spirits God gave me to parent. Because gratitude feels a whole lot better than sadness :)
Tell me, how did YOU know you were done?
May 1, 2011
Parenting in the Now
I informed the girls that they had TOO much stuff and that we needed to give some away. They resisted. They wanted all their stuff. They needed every shirt that they hadn't worn in a year. They liked every stuffed animal that sat, buried, at the bottom of their toy bin. They didn't want to give anything away.
And my mind - already twirling - flashed quickly to the TV show "Hoarders" - where poor sad people spend their lives locked in their houses buried along with piles and piles of decaying crap. In my mind, my daughters were the future stars of the Hoarders show. In my fervor to clean, to give away, to downsize, to organize - I was trying to save my children from certain Hoarders doom.
When, later, I told my mom - my best friend - of this internal dialogue, she burst out laughing. What?? I said. I mean - it feels really real. If I don't teach my kids about the virtues of organization, generosity, minimalism now - won't all hell break loose when they grow up?
My mother's laughter provides me some reassurance that it won't. Apparently, my own room as a child was a disaster area too, and look at me now. I'm an organizational dynamo (or zealot- whichever works for you).
Here's my point with this post though. My most fearful crazy times as a parent have been when I look ahead into the future and imagine that my children will be then just as they are now. Messy today, hoarders tomorrow. Shoe-throwing tantrum-crazy 2 year old, psychotic adult prone to violence. I know I'm not alone in this; many people decide not to share a family bed because the child will "never" want to leave. They don't pick up their crying baby at night because the child will never stop night-waking if they do.
I have to remember - we all have to remember - that things DO change. Things in 10 years won't be the same as they are now. Children will leave the family bed, they'll sleep through the night, and yes - they'll learn the importance of cleanliness and organization. They won't learn from lectures and yelling and neglect and shame though. They will learn from our example.
I want to be an example of love. So - I'm reminding myself to be in the present moment. To love and be grateful for NOW. To not fear tomorrow.
Next time I help them clean their room, my goal is to remember this :)
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