Another friend of mine is pregnant. (God, it is raining babies right now!) She is an old friend, not someone I'm in touch with on a daily basis. Back in the days we worked together, she was far more crunchy than I was. I was still drinking two Pepsis a day and chowing down on McDonald's fish sandwiches regularly. She, on the other hand, brought organic salad, tofu and green tea to work every day. These days, I am a just a tad more left on the crunch-scale than she is. :)
My husband, who's friends with her too, asked her whether she was going to have her baby at home. Apparently not. Her husband's not on board. And she's afraid of the pain. Upon hearing this, adrenaline starts coursing through my body. My brain is racing, thinking, Oh God, WHAT CAN I DO TO CONVINCE HER? Doesn't she know that fear equals pain? Doesn't she know how hospital birth can be? Wait, what if she doesn't know how hospital birth can be? Should I send her an email explaining it? Maybe a book? Which book?? Maybe a video. Ooh, how bout the Business of Being Born? And what about the other stuff - breastfeeding. family bed. vaccinations. And on and on and on.
You see - I have a real problem with restraint when it comes to my friends. I love them dearly, I want them to have the best birth/the healthiest child/the healthiest body and home, etc, and I want them to know what I know. In fact, there's a goodly number of my Facebook friends upon whom I have pushed the "natural" agenda. Part of me feels really bad about it because I know I'm being pushy, and because I know that I might offend, and I further know that everyone's path is different.
The other part of me, though, thinks You Never Know When Something You Say Will Stick In Their Brain And Change The Way They Live For The Better. I remember hearing a story once about a mom who had someone be pushy (like I am) about vaccinations, e.g. telling her the contents, the risks, her ability to waive. And that mom said at the time, she was livid. But later, she began researching and she made an informed decision about vaccines for her child. I also remember that I would NEVER have started on my holistic path had it not been for my midwives who gently mentioned vaccine informedness and breastfeeding.
So - what's your opinion??? Have you ever had a friend (me?) push the "natural" agenda on you? If so, how did you feel and did it make a difference in your life? Have you, like me, pushed someone about natural living? or do you think it's better to keep it to yourself?
Inquiring minds want to know.
I started on this path through meeting a mom at the nurture center baby group who happened to mention the chemicals in crib mattresses. I started researching that and all the sudden Im here haha I will never forget her or her partner who where both all about nature and health, but they didnt push, just mentioned. I think i have lost many friends because of my ways at the same time, we would have grown apart anyway. Peopl are very defensive of their decisions as parents, you dont even have to push just BE and they defend things like organic stuff, plastic toys, cosleeping vs cio. you jsut mention o we cosleep and its followed by a defensive speech
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's better to keep it to ourselves. I consider it a positive movement.
ReplyDeleteI look at your blog and I think what would be the opposite of what she's trying to encourage?
Information is awesome and at our finger tips. Baby steps for me as I educate myself on Holistic Health. Again, what would be the opposite? Toxic vaccines, over processed chemically laced quick foods? Babies crying endlessly into the night as some use the excuse sleep training..physical discipline, I could go on, so I say yes, please push the natural agenda, It does stick, it might offend only because in my experience those who are offended might already know deep inside that it's time for a change but are afraid to take the next step or there is guilt of not knowing where to begin. There is always that thought " I could do better..." but like you said you do it because you love.
I completely understand where you're coming from. Recently our good friend gave birth as well as another who is about to.... both saw The Business of Being Born, read Ina May and Born in the USA and even though they agreed with everything, still chose to go with a hospital birth! Unfortunately, people still have to make their own decision and from what I've seen it usually comes down to them not wanting to "explain" themselves to family/friends. So sad.
ReplyDeleteWhat gets me going even more than that is when people start talking about losing weight. A coworker recently tried to get me onboard with her plan on the mainstream low fat and calories in verses calories out plan even though she has known me for years and just two years ago I went from 188lbs to 145lbs (and have maintained) as well as solved all my ailments and high cholesterol by simply eliminating refined carbohydrates from my diet. I tried discussing it with her and she didn't even want to hear it because she's taking a college class that is shoving all the mainstream thinking down her throat.
A couple years ago I bought fifteen copies of Gary Taubes' book and lent them to anyone who'd read them (still do). But, if people don't have an open mind, there's not even a chance for an intelligent discussion.
I've decided I can't change everyone... but I have been able to help some and hopefully it will continue to snowball and I can only hope that large-scale change will eventually come about.
If I had known then, what I know now, I would have saved to have a mid-wife and pay for it myself. I so wish our finances would have provided options for my deliveries, but being military, our insurance limits the coverage on those choices. I wasn't so blessed as to be assigned a mid-wife, or have one during delivery. Yes, medical care, like where you live, is an ASSIGNMENT for those of us with military health care. You don't get to pick who cares for you or what that care will be. I wasn't offended by friends who ahd the option or money to chose...maybe a little jealous! I would say that I would encourage women to explore birth options very carefully and learn what can happen to your body w/o choices during delivery. It's much less scary to deliver YOUR way than to be dealing with a colo-rectal surgeon and a urogynocologist thanks to hospital birth and not being able to move around!
ReplyDeleteYou have been pushy with me. Its okay because I know it comes from your love for me and the planet. I have indeed made small changes because of info you have provided. I have pushed women I have known who were pregnant to go more natural and "high-five" when I find out the breast-feed.
ReplyDeleteI think you can be a pushy pusher or a polite pusher. Some people need pushy, some need polite.
Here is the thing. Lets say you knew somebody who was pregnant. You decide not to tell them anything. The Dr. has a tee time or some such bs and decided to go c-section just to make things "convenient" and it doesn't go well. Would you feel guilty that you never said anything about other options? If so, then you've gotta speak up and speak out.
Now, had this friend of yours realized what was right in front of her 5 or 6 years ago, we wouldn't be having this convo - now would we?! ;)
I'm a big time pusher...and seeker. I love to know about everything and anything related to Natural-Living. Bring it on. :)
ReplyDeleteps-I'm SO glad I found your blog.
i was late to attachment parenting, as well, and i find myself pushing it on my pregnant friends through books instead of speeches.
ReplyDeleteunfortunately, people trust experts and the written word more than their friends. which can be bad or good.
i am passionate about making sure every child and parent has the knowledge to make an informed decision about attachment parenting. i only wish someone would have done the same for me and saved me and my children all the guilt and other issues that come with not knowing. i think of it as a duty to children and parents everywhere and a commitment to my soul/passion. PLEASE keep it up!