3 Little Parenting Lessons for Everyone Courtesy of "Toddlers and Tiaras"

Now, this post is not going to make much sense to you if you're unaware of the TLC Television Show "Toddlers and Tiaras," so if you need to take a peek, here's a clip.  It's basically a show about parents that put their children into beauty pageants.  Remember those pictures of poor little Jon Benet Ramsey?  Same thing here.

I became aware of the show because a certain homeschool advisor of mine (ahem... Allison...ahem), just loves loves it.  :)  Since she told me about it, I've watched a few episodes with some kind of perverse fascination.  It's kind of like craning your neck to see a grisly accident on the highway.  I'm a rubber necker, I admit it, and Toddlers and Tiaras is just divine for gawking at the train wreck parenting on display. 

Watching these parents prod their children through the beauty pageant experience gives someone like me lots of good food for thought.   Thus, I will share with you the parenting lessons that I've gleamed from Toddlers and Tiaras.   Although few of us will be putting our children into beauty pageants, I do think we can all take a little something from the show and apply it to our own lives.

1.    Live Your Own Life, and Let Your Child Lead Hers

Many of the parents involved in beauty pageants participated in pageants themselves when they were younger.  Other parents did not, but have somehow gotten it into their heads that this is something that their child should be doing.   The parents love the pageants - probably for many reasons... the pleasure of seeing their child look beautiful, the joy of watching a child succeed in public, the prize money, the ability to re-live their childhoods through the experiences of their child.

The problem is that most of the young children do not love the pageants.  The children are performing because they are forced to.  They are doing it because their parents coerced them with threats and/or with bribes of candy and treats. 

The lesson: We must allow our children to find, and follow, their own bliss.  Our children are not little carbon copies of us.  They have their own souls, their own life path to take.  So - put yourself aside.  It's not about you anymore.  Expose your child to lots of new experiences, and let her find what she loves to do.  Sure, if you loved something as a child (or you do now), by all means, ask your child if she'd like to try it.  Get them a few lessons.   But if there's no interest, then move on to something else.


2.    If Your Child Doesn't Want To Do Something, Let Up!

In one recent episode of Toddlers and Tiars, there was an 18 month old boy that simply did not want to participate in the pageant.  He threw tantrum after tantrum, screaming and kicking to avoid having to go on stage.   The mom was beside herself, wanting desperately for her child to calm down so he could perform.   The dad, a willing participant in the debacle, eventually just hoisted the child in his arms and paraded the child around when it was time for the boy to perform.

This poor boy had no desire to do the pageant.  He was doing everything he could - with his 18 month old communication skills - to let his parents know how he felt.  The parents were ignoring him.  Can you imagine what it would be like if you absolutely had no desire to do something and were forced to do it, no ifs ands or buts? Powerless.  Maddening.  Horrible.

The lesson: We must be responsive to our children.  We must know that they have their own direction and destiny, and our job is to help them find it.  We must not force our wills on them.  If your child does not want to play soccer and just lays on the ground in protest (as my then 4 year old did at soccer lessons one year), then forget about the money you spent, forget that you want them to learn soccer, just let that little girl be.  Get yourself together and ask them what they'd like to do instead. 

3.    If You Spray Tan Your Child, You Are Poisoning Her


Shocking as it seems, these pageant parents will take their little girls to tanning salons and have them spray tanned so as to get the "edge" in the pageant.  It would seem to be common sense that spraying crap in a child's face would not be healthy, yes? Hmm.  I guess not.

So, just so we're clear - many spray tan solutions contain lead, arsenic and mercury.  And even if the FDA says that spray tans are harmless, that is a bunch of crap.  If you spray lead, aresenic and mercury in your child's face and cover their little bodies with it - they are absorbing those chemicals into their systems at a rapid clip.  Lead affects brain development.  Arsenic - well, hello - POISON! - and mercury - a neurotoxin.  Bad stuff people.  Bad stuff.

The lesson - While you sane parents may not be spraying your kids down with spray tan solution, you might be using other nasty - and similar - stuff on them without even knowing it.  Pretty much any bottle of shampoo, lotion, soap, conditioner, sun screen, powder, etc. that you buy at a commercial grocery store is absolutely laden with toxic chemicals.  Johnson and Johnson baby wash? Ingredients in this product can cause neurotoxicity, organ system toxicity and irritation to skin, eyes, or lungs. Do you ever paint your little girl's nails? If so, the nail polish you're using might contain lead.   Do your child - and yourself - a huge favor and look up the products you use on Environmental Working Group's database.  I promise that what you read will shock you.

So, those are my thoughts on Toddlers and Tiaras.  Obviously, I could go on at length about the harm being caused to these poor children's self-esteems.... ugh.  But - that's another post.