One of the hardest things for me about homeschooling are the mind trips. As much as I love homeschooling, as dedicated as I am to it, there have been many times since I started 2 years ago that I am awash with doubt. Doubt about myself and my ability to do it correctly, worry that I'm doing enough for my daughter, worry that I am somehow short-changing her.
My daughter Brianna is 6.5. Last month, we began second grade; we are working through the summer so that I can take time off in the fall to have my third baby. Brianna, relatively eager to "do school" in the past, has, all of a sudden, begun to drag her feet about school. Meanwhile, her younger sister Elea, is the academic eager-beaver and wants to do school every day, as often as she can get me to work with her.
Today Brianna told me she hated school. Ugh, this made me sad - the very reason I am homeschooling her is because I want her to love learning!! I pressed her for the "why" - and it seems to revolve around her sister. I gather she feels like her sister is in the way, distracting her; she also notices that her sister is more zealous about school and has a longer attention span at it.
And so, being a perfectionist, I start an inner dialogue. Maybe she should be in school...but wouldn't school be worse for someone who professes to hate school? If I were a better, more animated, more creative teacher, she wouldn't be so frustrated. I don't have the energy to be that kind of teacher though. I need to get her into more activities.. she's high energy, so she's bored. But we only have one car right now so that's hard. Should I be "unschooling" her? But unschooling doesn't feel right to me. How do I juggle teaching these two, clearly very different children? What if I'm short changing her and she will look back at her school years and blame me for them not being "normal?" On and on and on. Yup, quite the mind trip I'm on.
I went through one of these mind trips last year as well. My homeschool advisor Allison talked me down from that one. She's been talking me down from this one as well :) Thank God for her.
Ultimately, though, when it comes to homeschooling mind trips - I have learned that I just need to walk (and work) through the doubt. Do the best I can with the energy and resources that I have. Ask for help from those who have been there done that (a homeschooling support network is a must). Trust my intuition that homeschooling is the right choice, at least right now. And pray that because I am giving my heart and soul to my children, giving them the love, attention and education that they need - that they will, in fact, be grateful for the gift of homeschooling.
I think I would talk to her and see what her favorite things are and then draw from that. I hope your trip goes well!
ReplyDeleteI will be starting homeschooling in Sept and I am already awash in doubt. I can so relate and look forward to possibly picking your brain about this then. My daughter is going into grade 1 and this will be our first year of homeschooling.
ReplyDelete{{hugs}} I've been there with the self-doubt, many years ago with my older kids. This time around, things are so much better with my 8-yr.old because we're unschooling. Something to consider. :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice blog, by the way. Found you through Holistic Moms.
Alexandra, Denise, thank you for your thoughts and advice. It's quite a journey - lots of trial and error. I definitely tend toward unschooling but have not jumped whole hog into it. I may at some point since Brianna's such an artist type! Melodie - I think doubt is just part and parcel to homeschooling... especially when you first start. I am sending you loads of support. You can do it!!
ReplyDeleteWe've been homeschooling for over 13 years and I STILL have those doubts and take those mind trips. It usually happens when I spend too much time comparing our family to other families, whether they homeschool or their kids are in public school. Every family, every kid has their strengths and their weaknesses. When you compare what you do worst to what your best friend does best you are gonna feel a lot of doubt and insecurity. So, I get through the mind trips by taking a mental inventory of all the ways my kids are wonderful and special, and then I try really hard to remember all the ways that I, as a mom, am wonderful and special.
ReplyDeleteGen, I love hearing that you, a seasoned hs mom, still have these doubts too. Thank you for telling me - I guess it must just be part of the process :) And I love your advice - to look within at our family, and how wonderful these children are. Thank you!
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